Fragments of wisdom I’ve picked up along the way

Deeply inspired by my best friend’s timeless blog post, I’ve decided to forge my own list of unsought life advice.

As we go around the block, and then some, we inevitably amass valuable fragments of insight – unasked for life experience that has a way of moulding us into wiser, more capable individuals. These gems of wisdom aren’t always the result of deliberate seeking; instead, they often emerge from the simple act of living. I’m not a sage by any means. These nuggets are derived solely from my own subjective life experience. I do hope it resonates.

This list isn’t final, as you can imagine. I do hope to live well through old age.

So here goes – my pieces of unsolicited life advice:

1. Move naturally as much as you can. Don’t waste your money on an expensive gym membership. Choose physical activity you can stick to. Incorporate it into your daily life. Go on walks. Go on hikes. Go for a swim. Take the stairs instead of the elevator every time. Drop the car. Walk to work if you can. Have sex. Don’t sit for too long.
2. Don’t argue with people who are committed to misunderstanding you. Intuitively, you will notice soon enough. Well-intentioned people will try their best to understand you and if they don’t, they won’t make you feel shitty about it.
3. Offer sincere help to people in need. Make sure they listen. Accept it when they refuse. You can’t help people who don’t want to be helped.
4. Under-promise, over-deliver. Commit, though.
5. Make a monthly budget. Include all recurring expenses. Don’t be in denial about your financial reality.
6. Religion is fine. Judgement is not. Don’t use your religion as a criterium to judge people who do not adhere to it. Don’t push your belief system on to other people and do not blindly assume people hold the same standards or way of living.
7. Atheists can be as radical, extremist and dogmatic as believers. Some of them actually are.
8. Take pauses during fights or arguments. Chances are emotions are running high and that 90% of what is being said during is either misunderstood, miscommunicated, exaggerated. People often look for the meanest thing to say when they’re emotional and they feel their back is against the wall or feel they’re being attacked. Say ”pause”.
9. Loving kindness, every time. Let it be your default.
10. Live lightly. Forgive quickly, Move on. You have bigger problems.
11. Make it an exercise to find an empathetic thing to say about someone instead of judging them. We’re all on the same boat.
12. Have a best friend. They will save your life more than once. They also give great speeches at your wedding.
13. Religion and faith is not essentially bad nor essentially good. All religions do not exist outside the minds of their followers. The Judaism of a modern-orthodox woman in Brussels is not the same as the one followed by a modern-day settler in Hebron. This goes for all religions.
14. You are not your thoughts. You are what you do. This is what helped me deal with anxiety.
15. Don’t drink more than one cup of coffee a day at work. If you can, skip it altogether. People don’t realize it, but it is a psychoactive drug. You’re setting unrealistic expectations for yourself. Enjoy it but use sparingly.
16. You can measure a person’s soul by how they treat service staff. Life tested.
17. If you have children and people ask you what they can buy for their birthdays, ask for money and set it aside for them. Toys are temporary and they will forget about it soon enough. They will thank you later.
18. Spend as much time offline as you can. Failing that, have a digital sabbath. Use the time for your mind to regroup and appreciate the internet again. Spend active time with your kids.
19. This too shall pass. Because everything does.
20. If you lend your friends or family money, material things or perform acts of service, don’t assume you will be repaid and be okay with that. Don’t let them take it for granted, though.
21. People are who they are. Not who they should be or who they CAN be. Don’t try to change them. Appreciate the quirks, the defects, the qualities as a package deal. When people show you who they are, believe them.
22. Be an active but respectful communicator. Don’t give hints and don’t assume people know what you’re talking about. Give clear instructions but don’t bark commands either. Make your wishes known. Passive aggressiveness never works for anybody and makes you feel shitty.
23. Don’t get into political arguments. Something I’m still getting the hang of. I’ve never managed to convince anyone to change ”lanes”, nor has anyone ever convinced me to change mine. It is useless and you will fight and you will feel miserable about it.
24. No phones at the dinner table. You deserve each other’s full attention.
25. Don’t say ”I’ll be happy when/if..”. This statement has a dark underbelly. Don’t chase happiness. It will make you miserable. Celebrate the little wins.
26. Be radically open and vulnerable from the very beginning. It’s the only way I know how to make friends or forge connections. It has never failed me. (this one is stolen from my best friend’s blog, but I 100% adhere to it).
27. It’s not all about you. In fact, it rarely is. Don’t take it personally. Be the best person you can be and move on. When you start realising how many people cope by projecting, you’ll realise you’re not actually the problem
28. Don’t try to be cool. The coolest and most interesting people I know are tragically uncool by conventional standards.
29. Done is better than perfect. Aim for perfection but move on when you can’t or don’t have the luxury to.
30. There are no stupid questions. Well-intentioned, honest and curious people are always appreciated.